This is Why I Stay

We are excited to bring you a post from our first Teachers’ Well community guest contributor, Annemarie Holmyard, a Special Education Teacher based in Melbourne.

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Hello teachers everywhere - I see you, I see those long hours of searching to make a better classroom, increasing your professional knowledge, giving your all to the students, taking on extra duties, and classes because of teacher shortages. I see you because I am you.

It seems to me that no one is talking to us, asking us - why are we staying? The workload only seems to be increasing, commentary on the news seems dire and we are tired, overworked, and exhausted.

This was not in the role description. Not what we signed up for. I get it. As I am writing this, I am cooking dinner, watching the news and eyeing off that washing pile... It does all pile up on us.

Why would any one based on that description stay?

It started for me when I was sixteen, I left home to complete VCE. I knew then what I know now; that a book and a pen is all you need.  I picked up my pen, read my books and it brought me here. It was not by chance, it was hard, it still is, yet I couldn’t have dreamed that I would be here.

When I walk into the classroom, I know I can make or break the day and that the plan never goes that way. I also know that I will enter and leave a classroom a little better than when I first entered it. I live a transient teacher life in that I don’t have a permanent space to teach in - I move between spaces sometimes shared and sometimes not. This means the vibe and the classroom begins and ends with me, in what I bring to the space and how I hold that together that makes all the difference.

This means knowing when I need to rest, when I need to pull back in other areas of my life to ensure that I have enough left where it’s needed most. The balance is delicate. I don’t always get it right, but I have learned to recognise when it’s about to fall apart.

I stay knowing that sometimes it means I may have to keep rebuilding when it falls apart, but I do this supported by others, we rebuild and reshape this together. Sometimes, it’s second by second and other times it’s a slow burn, a marathon. I am in it for the small moments. The little wins. Today my small win was a student wanting to stay in the room, last week it was a student remembering my name and remembering a small part of what I taught them.

I teach in Special Education. I had originally decided that I would be an Art teacher - in my 21 year old mind it would mean glitter and sock puppets- ahhh sadly no. This path meant you had to know how to draw more than stick figures, so a career counselling bought me to Special Education. This became my major in more ways than one.

Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  This is true of my students, they have taught me what true grit and showing up can do. I occasionally meet ex-students and they tell me that they are succeeding, and I still can’t believe that I have played a small part in their story. I am grateful they remember me.

Sometimes I think my career is like the Hokey Pokey. One hand in, one hand out and then we turn ourselves around. This is has been how my career has evolved. This dance, this turning around, always finding delight in almost every moment.

I want them to feel their potential, to turn around again, believe in it and return tomorrow - if only to say - oh I remember you - you put your whole self in and shake it all about - this is my life’s work. This is why I stay, why I keep dancing.

On my more challenging days, when I am up to my neck in it, I remember that I need to hold it together for those who matter most, to turn around, clap and sing, “that’s what it’s all about.”

Let’s turn around and go again, I got you.

Annemarie